Gymnastics tells you no. All day long. It mocks you over and over again. Telling you you’re an idiot. That you’re crazy. If you like running full-speed towards a stationary object, vault’s for you. If you like pealing pieces of skin the size of quarters of your hands… bars is for you. Because the only thing more fun then rips, is when your rips get rips. It’s super sexy. And floor, are you serious, I mean who doesn’t want to parade around in a leotard getting wedgies and doing dorky choreography? It’s delicious. If you like falling, then gymnastics is thee sport for you! You get to fall on your face, your ass, your back, your knees, and your pride! It’s a good thing I didn’t like falling… I LOVED IT!
You see these aliens come from outer space and they wanna make us slaves for their theme park. Eh, what do we care? They’re little, so we challenge them to a basketball game! But then they show up and they ain’t so little… they’re huge! We need to beat these guys, ‘cause they’re talking about slavery! The same jokes every night for all eternity! We’re going to be locked up like wild animals and then trotted out to perform for a bunch of lowbrow, bug-eyed, bad-headed, humor-challenged aliens! Eh, what I’m trying to say is… we need your help!